So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
