there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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