I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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