did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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