I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
