I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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