it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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