i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
