my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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