Please, let me fuck your mom
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
