Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
