Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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