Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
