make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
