I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
