Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize