you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
