i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize