I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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