alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
