All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
