Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
