you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
