Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
