I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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