when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
