you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
