i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
