alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
