If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
