Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize