my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
