glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
