How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
