She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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