someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize