The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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