dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
