Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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