One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize