I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
