it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
