Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
