this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize