I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
