When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
