matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
