I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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