I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think my moral compass just broke
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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