why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
