I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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