he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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