Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
try to milk me bitch
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