Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
