Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
