Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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