Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
