so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
