I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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