she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
