Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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