my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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