So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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