SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
