The maid of honor just puked.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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