Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
