Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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