I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
