I just pynch a tree in the face
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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