I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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