Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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