im having a threesome with these popsicles
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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