Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
