are you still at the devil's house?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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