ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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