you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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