He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
