I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
