"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
