found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
