new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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