New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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