sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
