I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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