Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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