Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
