I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
