She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
