Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
