Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You were trust falling into bushes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
