i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
