I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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