so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who died my cat blue again?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
