did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
