you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
