its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
