My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize